The world has gone mad

Cleaning out my spam folder, as is my periodical want, I discovered a media release advising me to FENG SHUI MY FRIDGE!

"Your fridge needs to be organised and clean for the chi to flow unhindered, ensuring that it cannot become blocked and stagnant. All items over 6 months old should be thrown out and the inner shelves, drawers and walls of the fridge should be thoroughly cleansed of spills and any lingering bacteria."

Try and guess where this media release originated...

"Once sparkling clean, the fridge then needs to be packed with foods nourishing to the body. It is essential the food we eat is full with vital chi to bring a healthy balance and harmony to our bodies. Fill your fridge with lucky foods like fish and chicken for a prosperous 2007."

I particularly love the combination of practical energy with feng shui advice, as typified by this next paragraph.

"Red is the luckiest colour, symbolising fire to drive away the bad luck – so storage containers and natural foods in this colour will also enhance your good fortune. A well stocked fridge is a symbol of wealth but do not over pack your fridge or freezer, as the good chi, and therefore wealth, will not be able to flow properly. Mark items for freezing with a date and have a clean out every 3-6 months.

"Finally, after you have tackled the inside of the fridge, it is time to make-over the outside of the fridge. Objects hanging on the front and sides of our fridge creates visual overload and adds stress to your environment. Remove all old bills, papers and magnets and start afresh with uplifting pictures or leave it completely bare to minimise the feeling of clutter. Give the surface a good wipe down and remove any marks."

Such marks might include grease and streaks from where you have banging your head repeatedly on the fridge door while exclaiming, "WHIRLPOOL WANT ME TO FENG SHUI MY FRIDGE IN ORDER TO ENSURE MY WHITEGOODS ARE MORE HAMONISED! AAAARRRGH!"

If I wasn't at work I think it would be time for a good lie down...